Source-linked ways to support someone with borderline personality disorder, from first worries to a crisis. Check the actions that fit, then save or print them.Download a weekly emotions and skills diary cardDownload PDFAbout the diary card
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Read about borderline personality disorder to better understand what your loved one is going through.
Change can be difficult and frightening for people with the disorder, but things can improve with time.
National Institute of Mental Health · Borderline personality disorder (brochure)Offer emotional support, validation, understanding, patience, and encouragement.
Tell the person you care about them and ask how they are feeling. Make specific offers of help and follow through.
National Institute of Mental Health · Borderline personality disorder (brochure)Do not ridicule your loved one for losing control or making bad choices.
Speaking honestly and kindly keeps the conversation open.
National Alliance on Mental Illness · Borderline personality disorderEncourage your loved one to begin treatment and to stay engaged with it.
A primary care provider can refer them to a qualified mental health professional.
National Alliance on Mental Illness · Borderline personality disorderSeek counseling for yourself, with a different therapist from the one your loved one sees.
Caring for someone with borderline personality disorder can be stressful, and you deserve support too.
National Institute of Mental Health · Borderline personality disorder (brochure)Encourage daily scheduling and a healthy lifestyle.
Structure can make everyday life feel more predictable.
National Institute of Mental Health · Borderline personality disorder (brochure)If your loved one is in a skills-based therapy such as dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), learn its language and use it to support them.
Learn about their treatment plan and find ways to support their goals.
National Alliance on Mental Illness · Borderline personality disorderIf medicines are prescribed, help them take them as prescribed.
Encourage them to discuss problems or concerns with their provider before stopping a medicine or making any change.
National Institute of Mental Health · Borderline personality disorder (brochure)Take any comments about self-harm or suicide seriously.
Encourage prompt contact with a mental health professional, or with the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline by calling or texting 988.
National Institute of Mental Health · Borderline personality disorder (brochure)Your loved one can ask their care team about family therapy, and the team should ask them whether they want family involved.
With their consent, families can be encouraged to take part and told about local support groups.
National Institute for Health and Care Excellence · Borderline personality disorder: recognition and management (CG78) recommendationsConnect with a local National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) affiliate in your state for family support.
Family members and caregivers often play a large role in supporting someone with a mental illness. You are not alone.
National Alliance on Mental Illness · Family members and caregiversFamily Connections is a free program for family members, with education, skills based on DBT, and peer support.
Classes are mostly online, and your loved one does not need a formal diagnosis.
BPD Alliance · Family Connections programBe willing to listen and accept their feelings. Do not debate whether suicide is right or wrong or lecture on the value of life.
Acknowledge what they say, even with a nod, and repeat or summarize what you hear to show you are trying to understand.
988 Lifeline · Help someone elseEven if your loved one is in crisis, try to remain calm.
Listen and help them feel understood, then take the next step toward getting help.
National Alliance on Mental Illness · Borderline personality disorderTalking about wanting to die or being a burden, feeling trapped or hopeless, making a plan, giving things away, or using more alcohol or drugs are warning signs.
Get help as soon as possible, especially if the behavior is new or has increased. Call or text 988, or chat at 988lifeline.org.
National Institute of Mental Health · Warning signs of suicideIf someone tells you about a plan to hurt themselves, contact 988 or encourage them to reach out. Do not be sworn to secrecy.
Help keep them safe by removing means such as weapons or pills, and get help from people who specialize in crisis support.
988 Lifeline · Help someone elseAsk. Be there. Help keep them safe. Help them connect. Follow up.
These evidence-based steps from the 988 Lifeline give a simple blueprint for helping someone in crisis.
988 Lifeline · Help someone elseSupporting someone through a hard time can bring up difficult emotions. Reach out for support yourself.
You can contact 988 at any time for help if someone you care about is struggling.
988 Lifeline · Help someone else
